This subject is about another big, huge, challenging mind shift we go through when we move across from traditional (aversive/ forceful) adversarial style of horse training, handling and interactions. When we change over to a different, more positive, empathetic and co-operative way of being with and training our horses via force free approaches such as Positive Reinforcement training.
When we start giving our horse choices and a voice, we need to start listening to their voice and that is not an easy thing to do. Especially when your whole life, you learnt to ignore and punish that voice and when everyone around you says that it’s dangerous, it’s rude, it’s disrespectful and it’s stupid to listen to what your horse is telling you.
Your horse needs to listen and obey you, right? or maybe?
They are not our slaves, our minions, they are not sentient beings we keep in our back paddock, at our beck and call.
If they need to listen, pay attention and respect what we say, I think that should go both ways, don’t you?
But here is the dilemma.
If my mare bares her teeth, or my gelding swishes his tail and stomps his foot when he doesn’t like something I’ve done, what do I do? What happens now?
There’s a saying in the dog training world “never punish the growl”.
This is the moment where we decide, are we listening or are we only ordering and telling?
This is also the moment where we decide, do we get hurt because we are the boss and we ignore their communication and cause them to escalate? Or do we listen and change our behaviour, and eventually our horses tune down their communication because they are listened to and therefore value and trust us and most importantly, they are safe to be around?
If you choose obedience over a cooperative reciprocal relationship, how does “trust”, or a “bond” or a “relationship” or “consent” develop? It doesn’t, how can it?
Really, what kind of relationship or interaction is not listening, but just ordering? When it all goes the human’s way and the horse has no voice and no choice, they do what the human wants because …… why? They have to? It seems to me that it’s not a healthy or mutual or reciprocal relationship. It seems like we are more like a master, or a dictator, than a friend or partner.
The problem I see when we dictate and don’t listen, demand but don’t empathise, is that we create a lopsided relationship and also, an UNSAFE relationship.
If someone you don’t like or respect, someone who treats you disrespectfully and cruelly, who you didn’t like or caused you to feel unsafe, if they for example, fell down. Would you either step over them because you didn’t want to harm them, or not worry if you stomped on them or gave them the boot?
All behaviour is communication, what do we do with that communication?